Return?

Bangkok, 24 July 2011

The weather is agreable in the morning, but progressively gets warmer and muggier as the day goes on. Although it is Sunday, people are milling about Siam Paragon and the Siam Discovery Centre. It's difficult to imagine so many people at once. It's not for the faint-hearted! Particularly given the constant noise level of people chatting, walming and music playing. In the middle of the mostnup-market shopiing mall areas, we walk past building sites. The BTS Sukhumvit line is having problems and even more people seem to be milling on the walk-ways. It doesn't help that we as Westerners tends to walk much faster than the average Thai...
It's refreshing to have a Sunday "off". what is God's lesson for me today? Perhaps to learn to relax and go with the flow. I miss gping to church, but I am also learning that enjoying the simpler pleasures in life: reveling in the difference and exotic nature of our surroundings, despite the trappings of a First World, cosmopolitan city.

Today has been gray and rainy - and is often the case in August, the temperature has dropped: the air is fresh and crisp. Snow is not too far up in the mountains. But no complaints, the gardens have been parched, and with the rain, the grass and the trees are a fresh green.
I am working through my long list of things to do, but am not getting very far with the Malawi report. The Association for Haiti is set up, the postal account opened, I've met with disenfranchised clergy: Paul Holley and John Beach. For the latter, I don't bother to go over the past, I will never know exactly what went down in the discussion between him, Roy T and Maree. No point bothering about it, but I am putting things in writing now.
Lunch with John Bingham; I've set up a meeting tomorrow for him to meet Christian Guillermet. Perhaps something fruitful can come out of that for both of them.
Adrian has left - Keith is relieved, so am I. He is loosing the plot, as others seem to be as well....
Where has God been in my life today? In the ease with which we set up the association today together with someone from Emmanuel Church: no strangeness, no hard feelings, just the wish to get on with things; with Shauna sending in her proposals this evening for the music; with John^s friendship. In Keith's smile - for the moment he seems happier and better balanced. Let us hope that this is the way back for him.

Weak links and strong links

Now that I have started writing lists every day of what I should do - not because I am organised, but because otherwise I will forget, I realise how many balls I have juggling in the air. I wanted to write down everything I do to compare with my initial daily list, but I couldn't even find the spare paper to do it.... Pathetic in a way.....
I am desperate to finish the Malawi report before leaving for the UK on Monday so that I can leave my beloved laptop here and really take a break (even from blogging and writing). But I haven't even started really writing yet, so I can see another week-end going in the bin....
Where have I encountered God today? In Maree over lunch, in John while we both commiserate over the Bishops (CoE) Open Letter, in Olaf when he comes home late this evening, miaowing in the bushes along the railroad line across the road, in Keith while we go shopping together. Olaf now lies contentedly next to me on the sofa - this room is our together room.
Over lunch I tell Maree about the appalling behaviour Kenneth Kearon has exhibited. She is very angry. I keep on thinking that the negative reactions I get from others like Roy T, John Beach or Kenneth Kearon are due to the fact that they are looking for a weak link. Maree makes me aware of the fact that it may well be the opposite: they are reacting viscerally to a strong link. More to think of as I prepare to meet John Beach tomorrow on my turf in my office. By that time the Association for Haiti will have been set up.

What is my Good News?

Feedback from different people on my sermon have left me thinking: what is my Good News?

I have been focused on explaining the Bible and trying to make links with everyday life as we see it today, that I have forgotten what my more transcendental message is - beyond the fact that the fundamental messages of the Bible are still relevant. The different books were written by real people for real people: the people there aren't some kind of perfect, plastic heroes: they were human, with failings, feelings and warts and all.

I think back to the texts I chose for Jane's Bible Study Group: "Trouver sa voix, trouver sa voie" - 1 Samuel and Exodus. Saul hears a voice, but does not know it is God; Moses tells God that he cannot speak for him because he is a bad speaker. I am challenged to find my voice - I am realising that I am challenged even to know what to say. I am challenged to listen - what is the Good News?

We have a God - not several but one, an Entity that IS. Which means that we are not left to our own devices on this earth, which would be frightening, even in today's age of enlightened knowledge. Not only are we not on our own, but this means that our life has a sense and a purpose. It is part of a bigger picture - cosmic, transcendental, whatever.

We have a God who is the creator of all that is, was and will be. He is our origin and at the origin of all that is around us: the earth, creation, nature. Again we are part of a larger web of relations and existences. Each one of us has been created by us - we live by His Grace - even if our mothers took the deliberate decision to let us live instead of aborting.

And because we have been created by Him, we have a relationship with our Creator - a relationship that is commensurate to our capacities to comprehend it. Other things created by God will have other relationships with Him: ours is that of a relationship with a Benevolent existence - which does not set to hurt us for His pleasure. His relationship with us goes further:

We have a God who loves us: collectively and individually. He has shown it to us collectively by sending us His Son, letting Him die for us, and then resurrecting Him, and ascending Him to Him.

Our God who loves us, and who therefore was even willing to meet us in human form, is a humane God who suffers with us, cries with us, laughs with us and worries with us. His love for us is constant; He is constantly with us. We are never alone or left to stand alone.

Through Jesus, He promised to send us His (Holy) Spirit to accompany and guide us - only we don't always get it. The accounts in the New Testament of the manifestation of the Holy Spirit are there.

I would say that this is the summary of my Good News: We have a God who loves us, and who does not leave us alone. He is with us, through the presence of His Spirit.

I however also have a lot of questions still:

How does the Holy Spirit manifest itself today?

Where are our prophets of today? Who are they? We seem to be left with priests, bishops and the congregations. What other roles should there be that no longer are? But if we listen, we can perhaps hear the Holy Spirit and its guidance, but how to discern when it is our own wishful thinking, or that of others?

The first day of my new life...

After a quiet week-end, not the boring quiet, but the healing kind, my new life kind of started with a bang. Ever since writing about my missing left sandal, I cannot shake the sneaking feeling that this may be a metaphor for my life: something is never quite right... or a little off.
The house is topsy-turvey; enthousiastic puppies will do that to you; especially those who have discovered the joys of digging (sandy paws and loads of dirt all over the house) and even more so those who believe in putting their sandy paws into the water bowl to splash (muddy paws and loads of prints all over the house). The tax authorities were friendly (ouch!) and I did get another cellphone number, for my professional calls, after the friendly gentleman at the Swisscom counter changed my billing system so that my phone bills will be lower. I must warn you that Swisscom may go bankrupt after this expression of magnanimous generosity, because they may lose a significant amount of income. Times have really changed. 10 years ago (I can't believe that I have actually written this...) it would have been unthinkable that in Switzerland a service provider would actually help you find a way of paying lower bills..... . If that what competition does to you, than I am beginning to be for it; if only the water and electricity or the taxes would catch on as well....
In the evening, I went to the first of six (and believe me, after this I am counting them!) yoga classes. In my attempt to "start a new life", I have decided to give some kind of sport a serious go. Well, the good news is that I survived, both the five stories up without an elevator and the class. It is nonetheless fair to say that I was the worst participant. I know, dignity and pride can be overrated, but still. Mine took a good beating. The instructor is yet again another slim lithe young woman who makes things look effortless and can move into impossible shapes. She was very encouraging to all the class members, although I did catch some worried glances in my direction... No, I wasn't the fattest lump in the room (although the third), but I certainly was the stiffest, least flexible, in worst shape, etc. Another metaphor of my life? I certainly hope not! I am not sure how the image of sweating buckets would fit in - or rather, I would rather not.... It didn't help that I kept on seeing my friend C. (obviously fit and well into yoga for years) in my head, with a somewhat commiserating, slightly sardonic smile. Actually, at this point he would be too embarrassed to know me. He was the one who a few years ago suggested yoga to me after correctly surmising that I probably wasn't in good shape and most likely hadn't done some sports in some time - years would have been more accurate. But there are moments in life when it is better to keep one's mouth shut.... So, I will persist - at least for the next 5 courses.

On the retreat I have been asked to help prepare: well, the fun has already begun: some potential participants are allegedly dissatisfied, different opinions as to how the best way forward would be, etc. Classic UN stuff. I feel like proposing prepcoms and distributed statements....
More worryingly I have been told that I have to finish a second security training before I can be hired (obligatory for all staff, even though technically, I am no longer staff) - it makes me wonder how dangerous such a retreat on the shores of Lake Leman may be....

Back home

I have finally arrived back home - after 2 1/2 years in New York. Although I have been looking forward to this for some time, as many will know, now that my wish has become reality, I feel slightly daunted. A new chapter in my life is about to start - and I am not sure yet what it will bring. It feels odd shifting from one "normality" to another; returning to my "old" life yet it is not the same. I have changed, Keith has changed and now we have two young puppies. And then, I may be returning home, but not to my "old" life. I am not taking up my previous job, and I have left the relative comfort of my last job behind since yesterday.
This week-end is for unpacking, settling and rejoicing in Keith, Stoli and Smirnov.
Keith has left to prepare for his recital this evening and I am enjoying the (relative) quiet at home - as quiet as things can be with two growing puppies, who now are 3 months old.
To my amazement, they have grown even in the 10 days I have been away. Both puppies were overjoyed by my return. Stoli especially has been sticking close by. This hasn't stopped either of them from (a) going after my shoes (I may have to kick the habit of kicking them off - or get used to having to get up to retrieve them); (b) further decimating parts of my garden (the flower patch has been somewhat decimated, as has been the cyanothus). Although Keith has confessed to being slightly frazzled after 10 days alone with them, leaving him somewhat nervous for his recital this evening, we both agree that there are no regrets in having decided to get these two in our moment of irrational decision.
It is lovely outside, but I prefer sitting in the cool freshness of the house with the closed shutters. It feel quiet despite Smirnov's snuffling. My sandal is giving him immense pleasure....
Monday will be for the start of a new life - minus a left sandal.